World inside my head...

It's amazing what losing a measly little 1.6 pounds can do to you. As you know, I have been in the depths of despair lately. Pretty much because I'm fat and I hate it. This morning started off bad. I got up late, I didn't make my eggs for breakfast like I had planned and when I went to make my salad for lunch, the lettuce was bad so I had to throw it out. I didn't know what I was going to do about breakfast. I went to the pantry and saw the new box of Fruit N Cream oatmeal and I almost woohooed right out loud. Last night I went to the store and bought a bunch of Smart Ones and Lean Cuisines for lunch and dinner. I'm usually anti-boxed foods because even though they're low in calories, they're still not fresh and as good for you as food from scratch. But yesterday, I decided that I had to do something to jump start my weight loss. I had to start losing something other than my sanity. So even though I didn't have my salad, I did have my Lean Cuisine and oatmeal. My husband stayed home from work today so I had to walk from the parking lot to work. When I got to my desk I was hot, sweaty and miserable. And so not looking forward to weighing in. But when I did weigh in, I was 219. Obviously, not a goal weight, but I knew that it was a loss. I wasn't sure how much of a loss until I got back to my desk and filled in my handy dandy Dietgirl.org weight loss spreadsheet and saw that it was 1.6 pounds. I felt better. After a few minutes, I felt elated. I started emailing people. I texted Lexy and Chris and I was pumped. I had finally gotten my hope back. Woohoo!

I felt so good and so motivated, that I FINALLY went to the farmer's market for some produce. It was awesome! Sadly enough, I had never been in a farmer's market before. When I went in, the first thing I did was walk around and check out the variety of fruits and vegetables available. I was also checking out the prices and comparing them to grocery store prices and I was excited. Plus, the produce looked amazing. The strawberries were red and firm, not green and fuzzy. I picked out so much stuff. My basket looked like a rainbow. Yes,a basket. I had enough stuff that I had to push around a little cart inside the farmers market which was smaller than my living room. But boy did I have fun! I felt adventurous and daring and started bagging up fruit I never would have chosen before. I'd always sworn off peaches because I refused to eat fruit with FUR on it. But I love the peach flavor. I decided to get over it and try some. I mean, if I can eat oatmeal now, after 33 years of gagging over the sight of it, why can't I eat a fur covered fruit? I even bagged up some apricots and red plums.However, I realized how little I knew about produce. As I squeezed and inspected the nectarines, I wondered in my head, "What color are they supposed to be? Are they supposed to be firm or smushy?" I decided that most fruit was still light colored when it wasn't quite ripe yet and smushy definitely meant it was overripe. So I did my best. I also wondered how in the world you were supposed to eat some of this stuff. Do you slice it? Do you bite right in? I bought green and red bell peppers. What in the world I'm going to do with those, I have no idea. But I'm sure it will be pretty. Maybe I'll put it with the broccoli and zucchini and steam it all into a pile of veggie goodness. Funny thing is, I wasn't having an anxiety attack like I thought I would be. I usually start freaking out when I'm around food in front of strangers. I worry that they're thinking I should be at home on a treadmill instead of picking out food. Maybe it was because I was at the farmer's market that I felt like it was ok. Like they were approving of the contents in my cart. I even looked at people. I smiled at them. I even carried on a conversation with this tiny little kid who was telling me all about Venom and how the black suit attacks Peter Parker and it makes him bad. I usually start hyper ventilating when I see little kids looking at me because I'm so afraid they're going to make a comment about the "fat lady". But this kid didn't seem to notice. His blond, curly head was just happy about his tiny little Spider Man in the black suit and wanted me to know all about it. As I unloaded all of my treasures into my new minivan, a big cheesy grin formed on my face. I felt like a grown up. I was at the farmer's market, getting grown up food and piling it into my grown up car. I don't know why, but that made me feel good.