Entries in embarrassed (1)


Feeling Defeated

I'm not really sure what I want to say in this post. I just know that I haven't written in 2 months. Mainly because I haven't been very positive lately and I just don't even know where to begin. But I realized that the whole reason I started this blog was to have an outlet, someplace to let out my frustrations, brag about my accomplishments and just share my random thoughts. So what if it's not positive? So what if I'm gaining instead of losing? Life isn't all butterflies and rainbows. This blog was just supposed to be about me and my life and not trying to cheer up the world.

That being said, I have been feeling very defeated and depressed lately. I am the heaviest I've ever been in my life. Instead of losing, I have been gaining and gaining. I can't even find shoes that fit me anymore because my feet are so fat and swollen that nothing fits. I went to visit my brother over July 4th and I was just so embarrassed of how fat I am. He and his whole family are extremely thin and in good shape and very healthy. I never thought I'd grow up to be embarrassed just being around my own family. They never say anything about it, but it doesn't matter. I don't feel comfortable and that's a problem. I guess that's all I wanted to say today. Nothing life changing or inspiring. I just wanted to write.