« Hotness Overload | Main | Feeling Defeated »

Two Hundred Sixty Four

There. I said it. I just announced to the whole world how much I weigh. 264 pounds. It is very embarrassing. I can't believe I just put it out there like that for all to see. I'm so mad at myself for doing this to my body. The other day I found a couple of pairs of old pants I used to wear. I couldn't believe how small they were. I mean, tiny. I had no idea I was that small when I actually was that small. I thought I was gigantic and I am so angry with myself that I treated myself that way. I told myself I was fat and I was embarrassed to be around other people and I thought any time a guy was nice to me or flirted with me, he was either up to something mean or I just didn't realize he was doing it at all. Because how in the world could a guy find me attractive? And now I realize, yeah, I was pretty fucking hot. I had my daughter try them on and she looked at one of them and said, "These aren't going to fit me. They won't go over my hips." But she was able to get them on and zipped up, although they were just a bit snug. I think my daughter is beautiful and has a great body. And to realize that I was that size, even smaller, at one point just kills me. I told her, "You realize what this means right, when you think you're fat?" And she said, "Yeah, it means you can't get mad at me for thinking it because you thought you were when you were my size." And I said, "NO! It means that you're NOT fat and you shouldn't feel that way and be so mean to yourself. Because one day you'll look back and realize you weren't fat at all and you were horrible to yourself for no reason!" I don't think I really got through to her. It's like Vivian said in Pretty Woman, "It's easier to believe the bad stuff."

PrintView Printer Friendly Version

EmailEmail Article to Friend

Reader Comments

There are no comments for this journal entry. To create a new comment, use the form below.

PostPost a New Comment

Enter your information below to add a new comment.
Author Email (optional):
Author URL (optional):
Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>