Being Positive in 2012

As you know, I'm not the most positive person in the world. In fact, most people would even say I was a pessimist. I feel like I'm just a realist. But, I'll be honest, I'm probably just a pessimist in denial. I mean, there are things that I just have to be realistic about, things that will be impossible or just aren't a good idea. But then there are the things that will just be hard and will take work to accomplish and I'm just too lazy and have no faith in myself to believe that I could actually do them. And I know what those things are.

For instance, having a great job that pays me lots of money that I thoroughly enjoy, might be pretty impossible without a degree. But losing weight and being healthy are totally possible, I just have to put in the work. I am physically and mentally capable of working out and not eating a handful of Hershey Kisses from the community bowl right outside my office 3 times a day.

Over the holidays I didn't work out and I ate like crap. Well, the holidays are over and I'm still not working out and I'm still eating like crap. I don't feel good, I don't look good and I don't fit in my clothes anymore. I have no energy and I have been very lethargic lately, worse than usual. But my husband told me the other day, "Be positive in 2012!" And I thought: he's right. Why not? I can be positive. I can change my own mind. So why not? So I'm trying. It's kind of hard for someone like me, but I can't give up now. I just can't. I'm going to try and make 1 or 2 changes at a time instead of having the all or nothing attitude I always have. That mentality never works. It's too stressful.

So, my first change was to quit taking Ambien. Huge change for me. But it really messes with my memory. I do things and have conversations when I take it that I don't remember at all the next day. I'll tell my daughter or my husband something and they'll say, "I know, we had a 30 minute conversation about that last night." That really freaks me out. But it seems to be affecting my short term memory as well. Even when I'm not actually on Ambien, I can't remember if I said something or did something. I have a hard time remembering names and things like that. I used to have a memory like an elephant (whatever that means). My daughter and I were in the car the other night and she said, "Mom, I'm having an intervention with you right now. I want you to stop taking Ambien. If you wake up one day and you don't know who I am...well, I'm not even going to finish that sentence." So, that night, I didn't take my Ambien. And I haven't since. It's been hard, but I've been taking Melatonin and it helps a little. I tried the Celestial Seasonings Sleepytime tea but it tasted like dirty socks. I'm going to give it another try. I'm going to use less water and try and just drink it fast and get it over with. Maybe that will help.

Hopefully, next time I write, I'll have another change to tell you about.